I am just fucking ruthless, always have been, but this is just ridiculous. Do I realize that I am rushing headlong into the abyss? Of course I do. I am just fucking double damn ruthless, and I wish I would just cut it out already.
What is it? What is it? What is it with me anyway?
How about this?
It used to be easy to get up.
It used to be easy to give up.
It used to be easy to make up.
It used to be easy to pray.
It was so much easier then
Before she killed our child
Before WE killed our unborn child
It ain’t easy
To hang on
All this time
Vid: It Ain’t Easy
will that do for a start?
No! Keep going!!
Well there you go then
but I can’t
So keep going
it’s too easy to keep going
So smoke another cigarette and die back to bed
i haven’t finished my coffee yet
That’s the spirit!
it’s not Infowars Chiapas Blend
There you go
i think I am going to throw up
Perfect! Feeling sick seems to work for you
ok, I will… keep going that is
thanks to Alex, I am ex-Gay and proud of it
Lose the comma
thanks to Alex I am ex-Gay and proud of it
Now capitalize the ex
thanks to Alex I am EX-GAY and PROUD of it
VERY GOOD! You can stop now
we can’t stop now, we have to go on
Ok, but stop with the murdelized verse already
I didn’t mean that I was rushing headlong into the abyss by writing this. This piece is relatively easy, as really a compilation of things I have written before.
No, not that way. But, ok, if you must you must, but we’ll stop waltzing or else just stop writing right now.
I was going to say that the hard thing is writing myself to death; with God having thankfully taken my job that was killing me away; with four or five hundred dollars left if I junk the broken down van that I thanked God for almost every day, which was the only way I could get to that job; and if I can get past the flaming sword of Eden that has been keeping me from refinishing the tables that a friend gave me to do a month ago, which also is keeping me from looking for a job nearby; and with this fire in my belly, being in God’s grip as I am, and holding onto it with everything that is in me.
But, no, that’s not right either. Easy, hard, it’s all the same, because it is not about myself. Jesus’ yoke is easy, no matter how hard it gets. The hard thing is being away from Him, which I have been so many times for so long and in so many ways.
Getting closer, falling away, coming back closer and falling again away. Repeat, repeat, repeat. On and on and on. More than forty years.
Now, Please God, I am finally with you to stay, and nothing will ever again make me let go. Please God. Please Jesus. Please.
So here is another part of my story, for you dear reader, for whatever help it may be.
And yes, GOD TOLD ME TO WRITE RIGHT HERE ON INFOCOMMS, and if anyone has a problem with that, then I guess they can just go straight to hell. There, I said it. Now kill me—if you can.
Vid: Kill Me If You Can
That was yesterday, and laying in bed this morning thinking what a damn fool I am, and making peace with the fact that I will never be an Alex Jones or Owen Shroyer, or any of the inestimable others like them with Infowars and in the world, who are so smart and get so much done that it makes my head spin; and really starting to feel alright about allot of the messes I have gotten into in my life, where in retrospect I turn out not to have been so wrong, but still not so right either. But what finally got me out of bed on a spring is an old, old conflict…
Damn! A mouse just got its leg caught in a trap and I had to take care of it. I really hate when that happens, and I am feeling sick about it, and this pukey coffee isn’t helping either.
It was dragging the trap around trying to get away. I won’t describe the process, but will just say that I am learning to get it over with more quickly. And if anyone knows a better way to get rid of mice I would really like to know.
And you know what? That was God talking to me again, loud and clear—he pointed the way and said to get straight to the point.
Some people get caught in their own traps:
re: my post Alex’s Prayer
@4LoveOfTheRoad : Why were you going to leave?
John: Because I was getting too angry and could not resolve the conflict that I perceived between God and mammon, between the concerns of the flesh and those of the spirit… which I have still not resolved. But with Alex’s prayer and how my spirit agreed with him, as well as the fact that I am both a committed Christian and a patriotic American, I just decided to go with the duality in faith that it will work out in the end
4LoveOfTheRoad: So God told you to stay on the Comms?
John: Your words, not mine.
4LoveOfTheRoad: Is that a yes…?
Of all the things said in that post, mainly by Alex, this is what 4LoveOfTheRoad chooses to focus on, which I never even said. I don’t think he likes me very much and would have preferred that I leave.
I have tasted that lash before, and know it for what it is.
And I am not just feeling sick right now, but really tired and already ready to die back to bed. Because that lash, that dart, that arrow goes to my ruined life, and to the fucked up mess that all of us are in the middle of now. It is a poison tipped arrow straight to the heart of God.
There is allot between those words, which means that I won’t be able to get this done very quickly. My God I am tired of this. I am getting so worn out. But I have to go on. It means too much, least of all to myself, but what it means to me might be a help for you, and to me it means allot.
Sometime, maybe less than a month ago, God told me that I was going to be killed. It was after I started posting here on Infocomms. That part was clear to me, with something more that was not so clear. I think it was either: “…and there is nothing that you can do about it,” or “so what are you going to do about it?” or “you have to write about it.” I never figured it out, but now articulating it like this, I think it was all of that.
I have been writing just as honestly as I can about what is in my heart and mind. My relationship with Jesus is tight. We work together as a team. He is my big brother and I love him to death. So if I am doing a good job here it is mainly because of him, and because we both take together our cues from God. It’s how it works and anyone who knows him will confirm this.
If someone doesn’t like what I say, they can tell me just what they mean, and Jesus will help me figure out what is what. It may take some time, and that person may already have gone on their way before I know the outcome, but nothing is lost and nothing is left behind, and sooner or later that person will know.
So say I, and so say we all.
4LoveOfTheRoad doesn’t know what he stepped into, but he will. Hopefully right here and right now, because I bear him no malice.
Am I Jim Jones because I say or do something that I believe God told me?
How many friends of Jesus since Jonestown have not just been intimidated into silence, but were hammered down hard into themselves, pursuant to the acts of this suicidal nihilist pied piper Satanic NWO CIA psychopath, by the likes of this poor MAN?
How many followed suit and killed themselves?
How many were driven insane?
How many forsook the path of righteousness that they were on?
How many ruined lives and lost opportunities to do good and help save souls?
The numbers are incalculable, at least by me.
How dear the price to our country, to America and to the world?
I was listening to Alex yesterday, where he spoke for half an hour detailing the Antifa plan, set to commence less than one (or two?) month(s) from now. How they are organized at top governmental and corporate levels, even to the extent of fake-legality like the Nazis. How they would roll out of Seattle, through Oregon and Wisconsin to Chicago, firebombing and killing along the way, then south down I-35 to continue across to New York, which I imagine would be via I-90.
I live a little more than a mile from I-90.
I am fairly well known around this stinking little-big-town of Cleveland, in places low to high.
I have been being terroristically told since the late seventies that they were going to get me. I have been covertly pursued, harangued, and harassed, and indirect attempts have been made on my life, mainly by Satan but also involving minions aware or not—as has, I believe, anyone who has tried to do good in their life and been even moderately effective.
I and so many others like me have so much to be thankful to Alex, to his officers and crew, and to all of the contributors in the Infowar for. And being able to say without fear of being wrong, what God has shown me from the beginning about advanced tech being used by evil people to amplify Satan’s whispering in my ear, things they should not have been able to know, in ways that should not have been possible, is an important thing that we schizo’s have to thank these good people for.
So I know, and I know times two, and times three, that I am not just talking out of my ass here on Infocomms. And, as always in all things everywhere, I stand behind every word that I have written in this forum with my honor, my love, and my life.
Can you say the same 4TheLoveOfTheRoad?
Everyone else—sorry I got distracted from the story of that cursed abortion, my fall into homosexuality, and how God and finally Alex brought me back to my senses… I will try to pick that back up later.
and maybe later I will finally get around to the hardest thing of all
actually asking for help
That will do for now
Vid: You’re In the Infowars Army Now
i need so much help
i only want to work for it
and only with good people
Is that it?
Note: this thing just goes on and on. But it’s more than interesting how listening to some more of the August 1st podcast I heard, starting at 2:25:10 with Alex speaking about Q, Joey Gibson then say: “Yeah, I’m definitely real, and I think that people gotta show their faces, and you gotta get up, you have to be, ah, a symbol for the people. And so I definitely think we should pay attention to people who are real, and you can see their faces and see them talk.”
Not that I am trying to use this as some kind of endorsement of anything I have written here. What I say stands or falls on its own merit. But making and linking to those not so flattering videos was just one more thing that God and Jesus encouraged me to do. How about that? I have really high hopes… gotta go before the library closes