Kill Me If You Can


I am just fucking ruthless, always have been, but this is just ridiculous. Do I realize that I am rushing headlong into the abyss? Of course I do. I am just fucking double damn ruthless, and I wish I would just cut it out already.

What is it? What is it? What is it with me anyway?

How about this?

It used to be easy to get up.
It used to be easy to give up.
It used to be easy to make up.
It used to be easy to pray.
It was so much easier then
Before she killed our child
Before WE killed our unborn child

It ain’t easy
To hang on
All this time
All alone
By myself

Vid: It Ain’t Easy

will that do for a start?
No! Keep going!!
i can’t!!!
Well there you go then

but I can’t
So keep going
it’s too easy to keep going
So smoke another cigarette and die back to bed

i haven’t finished my coffee yet
That’s the spirit!
it’s not Infowars Chiapas Blend
There you go
i think I am going to throw up
Perfect! Feeling sick seems to work for you

ok, I will… keep going that is

thanks to Alex, I am ex-Gay and proud of it
Lose the comma
thanks to Alex I am ex-Gay and proud of it
Now capitalize the ex
thanks to Alex I am EX-GAY and PROUD of it
VERY GOOD! You can stop now

we can’t stop now, we have to go on
Ok, but stop with the murdelized verse already

I didn’t mean that I was rushing headlong into the abyss by writing this. This piece is relatively easy, as really a compilation of things I have written before.

No, not that way. But, ok, if you must you must, but we’ll stop waltzing or else just stop writing right now.

I was going to say that the hard thing is writing myself to death; with God having thankfully taken my job that was killing me away; with four or five hundred dollars left if I junk the broken down van that I thanked God for almost every day, which was the only way I could get to that job; and if I can get past the flaming sword of Eden that has been keeping me from refinishing the tables that a friend gave me to do a month ago, which also is keeping me from looking for a job nearby; and with this fire in my belly, being in God’s grip as I am, and holding onto it with everything that is in me.

But, no, that’s not right either. Easy, hard, it’s all the same, because it is not about myself. Jesus’ yoke is easy, no matter how hard it gets. The hard thing is being away from Him, which I have been so many times for so long and in so many ways.

Getting closer, falling away, coming back closer and falling again away. Repeat, repeat, repeat. On and on and on. More than forty years.

Now, Please God, I am finally with you to stay, and nothing will ever again make me let go. Please God. Please Jesus. Please.

So here is another part of my story, for you dear reader, for whatever help it may be.

And yes, GOD TOLD ME TO WRITE RIGHT HERE ON INFOCOMMS, and if anyone has a problem with that, then I guess they can just go straight to hell. There, I said it. Now kill me—if you can.

Vid: Kill Me If You Can

That was yesterday, and laying in bed this morning thinking what a damn fool I am, and making peace with the fact that I will never be an Alex Jones or Owen Shroyer, or any of the inestimable others like them with Infowars and in the world, who are so smart and get so much done that it makes my head spin; and really starting to feel alright about allot of the messes I have gotten into in my life, where in retrospect I turn out not to have been so wrong, but still not so right either. But what finally got me out of bed on a spring is an old, old conflict…

Damn! A mouse just got its leg caught in a trap and I had to take care of it. I really hate when that happens, and I am feeling sick about it, and this pukey coffee isn’t helping either.

It was dragging the trap around trying to get away. I won’t describe the process, but will just say that I am learning to get it over with more quickly. And if anyone knows a better way to get rid of mice I would really like to know.

And you know what? That was God talking to me again, loud and clear—he pointed the way and said to get straight to the point.

Some people get caught in their own traps:

re: my post Alex’s Prayer

@4LoveOfTheRoad : Why were you going to leave?

John: Because I was getting too angry and could not resolve the conflict that I perceived between God and mammon, between the concerns of the flesh and those of the spirit… which I have still not resolved. But with Alex’s prayer and how my spirit agreed with him, as well as the fact that I am both a committed Christian and a patriotic American, I just decided to go with the duality in faith that it will work out in the end

4LoveOfTheRoad: So God told you to stay on the Comms?

John: Your words, not mine.

4LoveOfTheRoad: Is that a yes…?

Of all the things said in that post, mainly by Alex, this is what 4LoveOfTheRoad chooses to focus on, which I never even said. I don’t think he likes me very much and would have preferred that I leave.

I have tasted that lash before, and know it for what it is.

And I am not just feeling sick right now, but really tired and already ready to die back to bed. Because that lash, that dart, that arrow goes to my ruined life, and to the fucked up mess that all of us are in the middle of now. It is a poison tipped arrow straight to the heart of God.

There is allot between those words, which means that I won’t be able to get this done very quickly. My God I am tired of this. I am getting so worn out. But I have to go on. It means too much, least of all to myself, but what it means to me might be a help for you, and to me it means allot.

Sometime, maybe less than a month ago, God told me that I was going to be killed. It was after I started posting here on Infocomms. That part was clear to me, with something more that was not so clear. I think it was either: “…and there is nothing that you can do about it,” or “so what are you going to do about it?” or “you have to write about it.” I never figured it out, but now articulating it like this, I think it was all of that.

I have been writing just as honestly as I can about what is in my heart and mind. My relationship with Jesus is tight. We work together as a team. He is my big brother and I love him to death. So if I am doing a good job here it is mainly because of him, and because we both take together our cues from God. It’s how it works and anyone who knows him will confirm this.

If someone doesn’t like what I say, they can tell me just what they mean, and Jesus will help me figure out what is what. It may take some time, and that person may already have gone on their way before I know the outcome, but nothing is lost and nothing is left behind, and sooner or later that person will know.

So say I, and so say we all.

4LoveOfTheRoad doesn’t know what he stepped into, but he will. Hopefully right here and right now, because I bear him no malice.

Am I Jim Jones because I say or do something that I believe God told me?

How many friends of Jesus since Jonestown have not just been intimidated into silence, but were hammered down hard into themselves, pursuant to the acts of this suicidal nihilist pied piper Satanic NWO CIA psychopath, by the likes of this poor MAN?

How many followed suit and killed themselves?

How many were driven insane?

How many forsook the path of righteousness that they were on?

How many ruined lives and lost opportunities to do good and help save souls?

The numbers are incalculable, at least by me.

How dear the price to our country, to America and to the world?

I was listening to Alex yesterday, where he spoke for half an hour detailing the Antifa plan, set to commence less than one (or two?) month(s) from now. How they are organized at top governmental and corporate levels, even to the extent of fake-legality like the Nazis. How they would roll out of Seattle, through Oregon and Wisconsin to Chicago, firebombing and killing along the way, then south down I-35 to continue across to New York, which I imagine would be via I-90.

I live a little more than a mile from I-90.

I am fairly well known around this stinking little-big-town of Cleveland, in places low to high.

I have been being terroristically told since the late seventies that they were going to get me. I have been covertly pursued, harangued, and harassed, and indirect attempts have been made on my life, mainly by Satan but also involving minions aware or not—as has, I believe, anyone who has tried to do good in their life and been even moderately effective.

I and so many others like me have so much to be thankful to Alex, to his officers and crew, and to all of the contributors in the Infowar for. And being able to say without fear of being wrong, what God has shown me from the beginning about advanced tech being used by evil people to amplify Satan’s whispering in my ear, things they should not have been able to know, in ways that should not have been possible, is an important thing that we schizo’s have to thank these good people for.

So I know, and I know times two, and times three, that I am not just talking out of my ass here on Infocomms. And, as always in all things everywhere, I stand behind every word that I have written in this forum with my honor, my love, and my life.

Can you say the same 4TheLoveOfTheRoad?

Everyone else—sorry I got distracted from the story of that cursed abortion, my fall into homosexuality, and how God and finally Alex brought me back to my senses… I will try to pick that back up later.

Say it!

and maybe later I will finally get around to the hardest thing of all

Come on!

actually asking for help

That will do for now

Vid: You’re In the Infowars Army Now

i need so much help


i only want to work for it


and only with good people

Is that it?

thank you

Note: this thing just goes on and on. But it’s more than interesting how listening to some more of the August 1st podcast I heard, starting at 2:25:10 with Alex speaking about Q, Joey Gibson then say: “Yeah, I’m definitely real, and I think that people gotta show their faces, and you gotta get up, you have to be, ah, a symbol for the people. And so I definitely think we should pay attention to people who are real, and you can see their faces and see them talk.”

Not that I am trying to use this as some kind of endorsement of anything I have written here. What I say stands or falls on its own merit. But making and linking to those not so flattering videos was just one more thing that God and Jesus encouraged me to do. How about that? I have really high hopes… gotta go before the library closes


Hummm… @John, what’s up friend, seems your experiencing hard times, is there something the community can do to help you?

If you would prefer to chat, welcome to PM me.

Hope you okay out there buddy…


I asked why you were going to leave the Comms. You go off on some rant about the Abyss & God. So I asked if God told you to be on the Comms. You didn’t directly say yes before. Now you’re saying God told you to be on the Comms. Instead of replying yes to my question initially. You go off on another rant with a YouTube video that makes you appear off your rocker. Which makes it very believable when you say you suffer from schizophrenia. Or you only said that to be facetious, sarcastically, I don’t know. I can’t say I’ve ever heard voices or attempts have been made on my life by Satan. But honestly I hope things start getting for you. Sounds like you’ve been through the ringer lately. But the sun will come out tomorrow, all that jazz.


Love is God if you are poor give something to someone that needs it for love and our father will do the same for you. Our Lord will be no man’s debtor. If you wish to be the richest man in the world try to give 20 percent. For two reasons one our math is never accurate compared to God so aim high just to make the mark. And second same as above God will be no man’s debtor this is the only place where God invites you to test him. As far as the mice get a cat a pet that will do the work for you. So don’t freak if the cat shows you his work by showing you his ketch before he feast.

As for all the rest Don’t worry be HAPPY
If a day into the lord is like a thousand years then an hour is 41.6 years This whole life of yours has not even been 2 hours yet.

There is a great amount of LOVE HERE please stay here and here in the real also the father is counting on you, and us mere flesh and blood need you also friend. God bless you. LOVE TO YOU

1 Like

What, who, me?
But I appreciate the thought


@Bingozee Thank you. I will try to pm soon. I am fine. Just things I had to say and anger I had to work out/express. People either understand or they don’t

Funny, though, how the really important stuff did not draw any comment. Like abortion, homosexuality and the relation between them at least in my case but I think many others.

Or like the relationship between the war on God and the situation that exists now.

Or like mind control that has been going on for a long time.
ref Dr. Nick Beggich
or Cathy O’Brien

Or about Jesus. God I would love to hear someone else’s story, or witness, as we used to say.

So, yes, I am having a bit of a hard time, and it’s ok.

And thanks again, my friend. Yours was in my opinion the most cognizant and sincere response

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Thanks for the cat advice
But seriously, don’t worry be happy? What planet are you writing from?


Praying for you. May God bless you. Keep walking.


Many things with GOD seem unnatural, like give money to GOD to get more money, but like gravity God’s laws work. Your only fear should be of GOD alone. And be happy that you are still alive, still here, still in service. Ready for a NEW adventure serving the the ALMIGHTY.

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Just a Question, Are we using GOD’s Name in Vain? God has nothing to do with Gravity. None of GOD’s Laws have anything to do With Nature or what Happens Naturally, Hence the saying "Mother Nature " because Nature is apart from GOD or Gods.

God is an Exploiter of Opportunity, For any God to exist he, IT must first have the Opportunity, that is only afforded by the consumption of antimatter and Dark energy by light thus resulting with Time that anything mater can exist let alone be perceived.

I am not posting this as an argument or even a disagreement, but of a different consideration and understanding.


Also a simple fact of life and living.


And the ONLY solution to “Man’s” Calamity…


And Turning the Table / Tide.


but overall what ever is said here…We Must Cut The Head Off Of The Serpent!, I am not saying its an answer to the questions people often ask, but its a consideration and perspective of an understanding gained by the observation, perception and study.

I think to sum it up, the “Power” of “God” and “Jesus” is in you, as it is in every one, we don’t have to pray, we just have to acknowledge.

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Most likely, it would be pretty stupid to think, that every use was right or proper or predestined,
what mere man can know such things. I AM sure we will all find out. Until them, I pray that GOD help, bless, guide, enable, cherish and love all of us flesh and blood. I pray that he will have mercy on our human race, and help us all, to grow closer to LOVE. GOD IS LOVE.


One that believes in the religion… however that is not to say the belief is True.

If a Religion Preached and indoctrinated its followers in to believing we are capable of jumping off a 40 story building and that we would fly, dose that mean we would actually be able to Jump of that building and fly?

no matter how much we believed, had faith and hoped we could fly, we would learn suddenly and to late that we cant.

Oops… is all I am saying…


I am very impressed, no novel, no 5 paragraphs ending in cut off the head, just 6 words,
getting much better BINGO. Cool. You know I LOVE YOU!!!


@Fubar Its not about You or Me, Its about “God”, “Religion”, “Belief”, “Confidence”, “Responsibility”, “Accountability”, “Will”, The willingness, and Power of our Own authority.

Its also more intended to @John whom I hope can be more aware that he is more capable of changing any situation by his own will above all other things, Even that of Gods and Kings. Of course there are particular understandings to this Type of “POWER” but non that need be discussed until it is already obtained (“The Power of Will”). It is this that manifest anything, Not the Finger or hand of any GOD, but only that of a HUMAN and Humanity by its will and willing.

“We Named the Things that come Naturally”


If I was @John or anyone else, I would want them to LOVE ME. I would want them to help me.

I myself, need LOVE, I seek after LOVE, I LOVE TO BE HAPPY, I LOVE TO LIVE, but sometimes it is hard, this reality is REAL. And sometimes, really horrible stuff happens, and I want to STOP THAT. I want to help make this a better place. LOVE helps, charity helps, time and talk can also help. I like things and people that can HELP that is always GREAT. I do not want to RULE over anyone, I do not want to JUDGE other people. BUT I also will not turn a blind eye, I will not allow other’s to hurt, I will not stand by and let evil flourish. I definitely believe in GOD, above HUMAN, and I ask for help and wisdom every day.


@Fubar That’s all find and dandy… What’s Love?


Bingo you hit the nail on the HEAD



Thank you for inviting me in… said the psychic vampire, with Morrison’s Killer on the Road playing in his mind, which was “squirming like a toad.”

It’s just like me to precede an appeal for help with a slap in the face. I think that I do that because of fear and loathing, to which I tend to respond with rage.

Palpable fear so thick that you could cut it with a knife. As multi-layered as the Satanic totalitarian state that has been stealthily built all around us, so finely detailed and complete, as if created in a parallel universe. The world not this world which we thought we knew.

Total evil just waiting to spring upon us all, even as did upon the Jews the Nazi machine of death that had spread its tentacles throughout Europe, ensconced in war, to catch them all unaware and grab them up virtually all at once.

Not only the very personal overwhelming and paralyzing fear born out of visions of every joyous facet of life being converted in multifarious ways into tortures of every conceivable type. No.

But the transcendent fear for all, born out of the very realization that such unimaginable impossible evil does in fact exist, not only in the minds of men, but as an independent spiritual entity flowing freely in the space around the fringes of our minds and always looking for a way in. The reality not this reality which we thought we knew.

What do you really know of the real, Fubar, to say “don’t worry be happy” to all of the rest of what I wrote, or to equate my writing it to nothing when doing that was all that I had to give, and still is because it is the only function still left to me in the real?

In the real which I have so come to loathe.

In the real which is mindless cell phone zombies smoking weed, or doing anything else beside seeking the face of God, as if it and their control units are their only salvation from utter despair.

I did not ask for money. I asked for a job with good people who would not try to feed on me in every conceivable way. People who could and would enable and let me work and sweat beside them in true community, Americana style, so I could continue and improve in my own personal mission from God.

There is something wrong in your divine calculations, Fubar.

And I apologize for getting mad at the fact that only one of the forty who at last count had read my post had the heart and presence of mind to ask a real question and actually offer his ear. @Bingozee

I am sorry that I was not able to make myself more clear, and for any wrong I may now have done you.

And I thank you for helping me to make myself at least a little more understandable.


I think you are being a bit disingenuous, brother, but for the sake of peace and my own sanity I will admit that I could certainly have been totally wrong about everything—you, my whole post and everything that I have posted on Infocomms.

I am not being facetious in saying that. I could just have been wrong a little here and there. But then, as leaven leavens the whole, that wrong could have multiplied to bring everything into question.

So, please accept this my apology @4LoveOfTheRoad.

All I heard in your question was the same old hack brought out against anyone who dared to claim that God was speaking to them, or who claimed that God told them to do whatever it was that they were doing.

The old hack brought out by people who hate the one true God—the One who loved the whole world of us so much that He gave his only begotten son, Jesus, so that we could truly live and fill the void, the absolute nothingness that was, is, and ever shall be the whole reason and purpose of His very existence to fill and glory in.

The old hack brought out by people who love the void, who use examples like Jim Jones to discredit anyone who is actually acting on their faith.

The old hack brought out by people who hate anyone trying to fill the void in their own lives through the faith of God, which believing in Jesus made available to them.

The old hack brought out against anyone who in trying to fill their own void actually displays their likeness to God, and projects that image onto others, thereby deploying the faith that they received of God to them, so that they too may believe and begin to fill their own voids.

Yes, the old hack brought out for the very sake of the void—the presumptive kingdom of Satan, which is all that Satan had left once he had fully TURNed on God.

So in your challenge all I could see was Satan, and then I just saw red. I jumped the gun, and I beg your forgiveness for any wrong that I have done you.

And I thank you for your reply, which forced me to achieve greater clarity and to focus on the most important thing that I set out to say in the first place. The Gospel of Jesus

cc @Bingozee, @Fubar


No Sir, I believe you think God talks to you. I’m just not sure if there is a God. I’d like to, just haven’t had an experience to bring me to. It’d be nice if there was something after this. More than anything though I agree with Gary Oldman’s character in The Book of Eli. It’s been a tool of control. But I have no problem with people that have Faith. I’m the only Agnostic in my family. So it’s not like I’m some Atheist Dick that gets down on Christians. We’re just fortunate we live in a Country where we are free to believe whatever we want.