Post Puns & Jokes Here

#1

Post your favorite puns here. Why? Because puns are fun.

4 Likes
The Bury Your Computer Challenge
#2

For those that don’t know about history … Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement…

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals… Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it.

7 Likes
#3

There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who do not.

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#5

Speaking of lame, haha, pun intended, a blond drowns at the bottom of a river in a convertible car lol, like ummmmmmmm, totally haha.

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#6

As a golfer you should wear two pairs of pants, in case you get a hole in one. Ha haha

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#8

Oldie but goodie!!
(20 characters)

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#9

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.

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#11
  • Two blondes walk into a bar, the brunette ducks.
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#12

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#13

I used to collect old ass newspapers years ago…Still have this one…London Gazette from the year 1666 with the plague count from the city of Norwich

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#15

Dark, but funny I laughed pretty hard, just watched Cool Pursuit red box and the vanishing on prime
so many getting dumped all the time, well you started it with quads so hang it out ART, water skiing SKIP, used to know a hundred more, oh swimming BOB. I know Joey I warn you, then jump off the deep end myself.

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#16

https://thefederalistpapers.org/author/admin

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#17

@ADASTRAPERASPERA

Who’s There?

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#19

This is how the working class should take action! DON’T TREAD ON ME!!!

#MinutemenOfAmerica #Trump #MAGAmulisha2020 #KAG2020 #INFOWARS #RebelWith_Cause #AlexJones

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#22

A new Reality like electricity and its only copper wire and magnets again.
this time instead of spinning around to make elec, now they just need to
hang around and be an antenna to a NEW INTERNET, one not made by MAN
but BY GOD, the guy who built this place.

See there was a guy in 1962 Named Phillip Anderson, A different MR. ANDERSON, and he
wrote this paper CALLED PROMINENCE, and he never really became to popular, he would
be unknown all together if it hadn’t of been for the designated hitter, Perter Higgs, who wrote his
published 1964 paper based off MR> ANDERSON, You might remember Peter Higgs he the guy that won the NOBEL PRIZE for PHYSICS, because of the HADRON COLLIDER… anyway…

There was a much smaller project, very little money, very few people but decades of work, from 1962 to 1989 they have isolated the signal, built the antenna and were recieving the binary signal, but that is where they were STUCK they could not find any identical patterns, everything seemed to be so random, they could never even start. I am and was even from childhood a pattern recognition expert, not from training, but as a natural ability.The key was to find a LARGE repeating signal that happened everyday some where around the earth going back for a very long time. THUNDER AND LIGHTNING and RAIN. that was the key, that was the very first repeatable pattern
we could pull out of the M. E… S>h Magnetic Electro-Static Sub Atomic Halo Graphic Striod that what we called it before Higgs field.

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#23

Two competing visions for the future of humanity

  1. Be prosperous and multiply fill the earth
  2. Kill off 90%
  3. We don’t even have enough humans to assign one to each star system in our own galaxy alone.
  4. The earth is overpopulated resources are getting low, time to drastically cut back, we fear
  5. We have a whole universe of space and resources and we are just at the jumping off point.
  6. You are delusional, I have no knowledge of this tech, I am a realist I fear you are not.
  7. Your correct I HAVE FAITH I do not fear, and knowledge is sometimes hard to gain.
  8. Let the culling of the herd commence, so the Few can live like KINGS…
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#24

Gulf of Tonkin Yacht club

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#25

Since troll and SP labeled then fabled pun may be my safe place to rant about a new space race.
We done the arms race and large strikes are no longer moral, can more than just a few really be guilty
to death or just in the way, a game we no longer play. The race has grown up enough to see mass killing
as Government gone a muck, and no other reason can be. Never more is large scale destruction safe
or desired, and will not be tolerated by an educated armed society. But the money machine hungers
and if not MIC then what ? Earth two I SAY TO YOU. The next big race I think will be in SPACE.

#26

Where the real truth is to scary to imagine, That it really could be possible, that one man with
knowledge, determination, and extremely modest resources could so easily light a match and
cause such a large BREW HA.

2 Likes
#29

Are all things related? What would you do, if you had unlimited money, nearly unlimited power.
What if with all that money and power at the heart of it, You were so BORED, what interest me,
the unknown. That is why I like to spy on the whole world, I am looking for interesting things or people.
I might start a war, just to steal the ancient texts, so I could read them. I might investigate a bunch of old caves looking for relics perhaps an ancient flying machine? But if you still looking like that, you must not
have the better search yet. Not on the list. day SOON though, all will know, and all will see.
You can not hide, what GOD HAS MADE, not for ever.

2 Likes