Post Puns & Jokes Here

#1

Post your favorite puns here. Why? Because puns are fun.

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The Infowars Time-Capsule Challenge
#2

For those that don’t know about history … Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement…

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals… Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it.

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#3

There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who do not.

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#4

A man is walking along the beach and sees a beautiful woman who happens to be a quadruple amputee lying on her blanket, getting a tan. He smiles at her and she says to him, “Kind sir, would you come here and hold my hand? I’ve never held hands with anyone before.” He says, “Sure, we can hold hands.”
She then says, “Kind sir, would you give me a kiss? I’ve never been kissed before.” He says, “Sure, ok.” And he proceeds to give her a kiss. She then turns to him and says, “I know this may sound like too much, but would you mind fucking me? I’ve never been fucked before.” So he grabs her off her blanket, throws her over his shoulder, walks to the water’s edge and flings her into the ocean. And then yells, “You’re fucked now!”

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#5

Speaking of lame, haha, pun intended, a blond drowns at the bottom of a river in a convertible car lol, like ummmmmmmm, totally haha.

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#6

As a golfer you should wear two pairs of pants, in case you get a hole in one. Ha haha

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#7

http://www.wcbm.com/2016/09/23/a-short-history-of-conservatives-and-liberals/

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#8

Oldie but goodie!!
(20 characters)

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#9

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.

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#10

A guy goes into a whorehouse with two dollars. The lady at the front desk says, “Ok, well, go upstairs. All we can offer is the dead hooker.” So he goes upstairs and after 20 minutes comes back down. The lady asks, “So how was it?” He says, “It was fine, but there was one problem. Her nose kept running.”
“Oh right, she’s probably just full”.

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#11
  • Two blondes walk into a bar, the brunette ducks.
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#12

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#13

I used to collect old ass newspapers years ago…Still have this one…London Gazette from the year 1666 with the plague count from the city of Norwich

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#14

Knock Knock… 20 ch

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#15

Dark, but funny I laughed pretty hard, just watched Cool Pursuit red box and the vanishing on prime
so many getting dumped all the time, well you started it with quads so hang it out ART, water skiing SKIP, used to know a hundred more, oh swimming BOB. I know Joey I warn you, then jump off the deep end myself.

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#16

https://thefederalistpapers.org/author/admin

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#17

@ADASTRAPERASPERA

Who’s There?

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#18

HilLLARY CLINTON …

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#19

This is how the working class should take action! DON’T TREAD ON ME!!!

#MinutemenOfAmerica #Trump #MAGAmulisha2020 #KAG2020 #INFOWARS #RebelWith_Cause #AlexJones

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#20
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